Go see saw, but you won't find it at a playground.

The New York Metro review of Saw II gives it an R rating of it's own, defined by the second clause: Not for Children. I really couldn't agree more. When my mom bought me the ticket to see it, she brought my four year old sister. The ticket seller was entirely shocked to think that a mother would let a four year old see the movie, and she was absolutely right in thinking so. This new installment of Saw contained even more blood shed and life or death puzzles then the first, and the ante on every aspect of the movie has seemed to be raised. Instead of two people in a room it was eight, shortly expanding to encompass an entire house with enough death traps to leave no one left out. Change seems to be the overall theme of the movie in general, and nothing seems to have been left untouched. Even the signature element of time has been altered for the movie, and instead of one huge twist at the end, you can expect several throughout the movie. Even the director has been changed this time around, although he does an excellent job of covering that up, especially after the first fifteen minutes. He retains the same distorted cinematography too, fully completing the Saw experience. The 'Saw Experience' itself, isn't really a scary one. It's accomplishments are in the tension designed by the puzzles, and the sense of impending doom. I can only think of one actually scary moment from the first one, and there were no cheap thrills. This second time around, there was only one large thrill, and one tiny cheap scare. Whether that tiny cheap scare is a fault or not, I cannot decide because I might be more at blame for being so tense then the director for trying to scare me. But in general, I'd say a thrill is cheap when It turns out to be something not scary at all.
The acting is on par for a horror movie, although all actors do an excellent job staying away from the realm of cheesy. There is one exception in the case of John 'Jigsaw', who does an excellent performance. Played by Tobin Bell, my man from '24' gives a chilling representation of our cancer patient gone wrong.
Ultimately, the movie is for fans of the first movie, and above that, for people who have seen the first movie. In fact, if you haven't seen the first one, and I catch you anywhere near the movie theatre, I'll dangle you upside down from a room with no way to escape but to climb up to the ceiling and unscrew the shackle, which would then drop you the twenty feet onto the hot coals below.

My Life Is Digital.

A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to go to the DigitalLife convention in the Javits Convention Center, and explore the large ranges of technological advancement. Not only at this convention was I allowed to play some games, which will not officially see the light of day for weeks to come, but I had the opportunity to get my hands upon the Xbox 360.

Walking into the center was like entering a different city. Towering advertisements streamed through the air as orange giants, brandishing the Cingular banner, stood ready to crush all children who dared to voyage near. (A possible metaphor to how they tramped all over AT&T.) I nearly had a seizure walking into the main area. Thousands of screens glared straight at me, different images and sounds washing over my face. Nearly two hundred playable Xboxes, PS2s, Gamecubes, PSPs, DSes, and computers stood at my right, each with different games, ranging from the older games such as God of War and Halo, to unreleased games like Spartan: Total Warrior, and the far off, yet hugely anticipated, King Kong.
Directly ahead of me, a huge war battled on different terrains. On a gigantic screen composed of four already enormous screens, genetically altered superhuman battled it out amongst them selves and the covenant, while off to the side, 16 terrorists defended their HQ from an onslaught of specially trained counter terrorists.
But on my left was my immediate attraction. Displayed by projection onto a white screen, I saw the already recognizable image of the Xbox 360 Dashboard. Now I won't bore you with the technical details like Microsoft did to the audience, but they proceeded to tell us absolutely everything I already knew about the Xbox 360, with the exception being that the actual console was less then ten feet away from me.
I'd already seen their press conference online so I already new how their speech was going to go, including their absurdly dick moves towards Apple and Sony which involve plugging in both the PSP and the iPod into the machine. But, what I wasn't prepared for was their personal attack towards me. At one point, with the iPod Nano plugged in, Big BIll (Or whatever his name was) pulled up their playlist, and put on The Fallen, by Franz Ferdinand. Now, I can deal with the Xbox being compatible with the iPod, and to some extent with the PSP. But, having rooted for the downfall of the 360 since they faked their consumer survey and released the name, this was a personal blow. Sure, it was a change from Monotonous B.I.G. they were playing before, but I could barely stand to watch as Franz Ferdinand was pulled to the dark side.
After the Dashboard demonstration, Big Bill decided to demonstrate the first of the new wave of High Definition Gaming, of which I have posted a screenshot:



That's right, the Xbox 360 will be capable of producing Joust in 16 bit, HD quality graphics! Hell yeah Microsoft! You guys just secured your dominance on the next Console War!
I thought it was about time for Microsoft trying to impress us with the 'Xbox Arcade', where you can buy a game for $10, instead of playing it for free online, and bring out the big guns. Apparently, Microsoft thought so too, because they proceeded to pop in Kameo: Elements of Power. Graphically, it looked as if it was a PS2 game with improved talking animations. But in power, I admit to being partially impressed. It's true, even though they were off in the distance, there were about 100 dragons flying independently in the sky. PGR3, however, made the graphical power of the Xbox 360 pretty apparent. It looked pretty damn good. But then again, it is a track race, and I noticed textures were lacking on a few surfaces. That was pretty much all they were willing to show us, and, instead of letting us play an actual game, they had us just mess around with the controller. It got passed to me and I messed around with it for a little. It does feel solid, but I wouldn't feel good dropping it. Not only would the battery instantly fly out, but I'm sure it would dent up and pop open pretty easy. That was it for then, and I made my way onward.

I spent a round in Star Wars Battlefront II, which, I have to say, was an extraordinary amount of fun. It retains the same game-play elements, but drastically quickens the pace, which is a change I was grateful to observe. The biggest addition I got to witness was the insertion of a Jedi into the field. I was playing on the imperial side, and it was quite impressive to see my comrades backing up as fast as they could, only to get slaughtered by a merciless Jedi. These tide-turners spawn once a match, and the only thing more thrilling than watching Luke smash his way through our defenses was when I blew him to bits seconds later with my Rocket Launcher. Being the only competent member of the Imperial forces, we still lost, although my slaying of Luke did help to even out the match. Lucasarts seems to have adopted a strategy similar to Burger King. Star Wars: Have It Your Way.

One of the highlights of the show came in my chance to play the as of now unreleased Guitar Hero. As time was running out, I figured I would only have one shot at playing. So I boosted the difficulty up to Medium, and started rocking out to Take Me Out, which in in the third level of difficulty book, on top of the medium preset. I knew I could have gone for an easier level and completely beaten the blahbelshnaps out of any record, the sight of seeing the six year old ahead of sail through Ironman combined with my frustration with Microsoft for having abused Franz Ferdinand before hand led me to pick up the plastic guitar. Biting of way more then I could chew, however, led me to put the guitar back down 80% through the song. And yet, the man at the Kiosk was noticeably impressed with my performance, and refused to believe that it was my first time playing. Later, he would approach me on the street and shake my hand, telling me how awed he was by my effort and near succession on that level. We would then nod solemnly and disappear into the mist, telling me we would meet again- at another convention... Yes. Nerds Unite!

But I promised I'd get my hands on the actual 360, didn't I? You see, I found, in the back of the convention, an empty looking kiosk, with an Xbox 360 hooked up to a small TV. I watched the climatic battle of some Tech Demo, and then when it began to start over again, I looked around surreptitiously and, thinking I was good to go, pushed the eject button. The dashboard opened up mid demo, and the movie disappeared from sight as the tray opened with a satisfying hiss. Instantly, the entire monitor turned off and a representative swooped down upon me. Apparently, not only can the Xbox 360 play games, but it can also call down the wrath of the gods. I was lucky to make it out with my life, man!

That's about it for my exciting day, and now that I've finally got this post out of the way I can move on to bigger and better things. I think I'll end this post with a nice quote I overheard during the Xbox 360 demonstration.

"For the final shirt, who can tell me how many wireless controllers the Xbox 360 supports?"
"Seven! Oh wait, no. That's the PS3!"

Go Nintendo! Go Nintendo...

Go away. Listen, guys, I have a lot of respect for Nintendo, I really do. I know I never bought any of your systems except the Gameboy Color, but I really admire your video game contributions. I know you must be feeling really pressured by the market, and that you've become forced by your image to be innovative. I can understand that the PSP is looming eerily over your sales, and I know how it must feel to think that that little machine is nearly as powerful as your own main console, but I can't help feeling that you need to give the PSP some room to takeover.

Maybe I'm asking a little too much.
Maybe I'm just praying too much for the success of the PS3.
But for Blahbelshnaps, why are you providing wireless gaming in a Burger King?!

P.S. Full Coverage of the 2005 Digital Life Convention is coming soon, in which yours truly goes hands-on with the XBOX 360!

Digitally Restored by George Lucas

In an earlier post, I expressed the failure of me to get my update up before I left for camp, and the failure of my carefully designed snail-mail system to post my update after I arrived at camp. But now, after having finally retrieved my letters from Nicky's house, I'm free to display my letter in it's Digitally Restored form:

I was standing by the refrigerator in our dormitory when my friend Will, playing Ping-Pong, just flipped out. I mean, he totally snapped and started stripping, twirling his shirt around his head as he dashed from the room. He just lost it all of a sudden... A few minutes later he approached us and reported that his stray Ping-Pong ball had hit a wasp, which chased him away. I decided to write that up for all the fans of Brian Regan who would get the reference, but it's a true story.
Though still at camp, this college party lifestyle is a bit impressive. I was writing this, in a circle of couches around a TV (or example) when that same Will crept up to my friend Steak-yes, Steak-with a bottle of shaving cream as he slumbered. Fortunately for Steak, he awoke in time to thwart Will's plans. It seems most plans fail for better or for worse though, as last night, gathered around a bonfire, my friend Tim tried to light a flaming T on his chest using bug spray and a burning log. So this is what people in Maine do...
It has been weeks since this occurred, but I'd like to take this as an opportunity to write about my experience on the boat while it's still fresh in my mind:
Entering the Annapolis Ship's Preservation guild headquarters, disguised as members, I was astonished to discover my fellow ship lovers to be elderly men with wooden legs from WWII and more weight then the buffet table we were immediately confronted with. I figured that I should have expected no less, and sat down with my Aunt Rebecca and my Dad, who would be on board with me, and the two of my Dad's friends who drove us down to Annapolis.
After eating an excellent Eggs Benedict, I felt much better about my crew situation... And then the captain stood up. A relatively young man in his early forties, Rigel began a timid speech which ended in wild applause and vehement bellowing. Although I do remember a lot of the speech, I'll sum it up in one fairly accurate sentence: "If your family are all murdered by a pack of wild geese, and their remains are eaten by your pet, which soon dies of food poisoning, while your house is blown up in a gas explosion, you lose your money and dignity in a lawsuit against suspected insurance fraud, you're forced to sell your body on the street to feed your newfound heroin addiction, you can rest in the knowledge that your only purpose in the life is to serve the greatest ship ever built, The Gazela Primeiro." We were going on the Gazela Primeiro, and, needless to say, Rebecca and I were terrified for our lives. There's something you need to know before I continue. Rebecca is only six months older than I. That stumps quite a few people, and I won't bother to explain. Most people don't under-stand the principles of the Space Tim Continuum anyway. And, at this very moment, Rebecca was ready to run full throttle out the door and not stop until she was back in NY.
Presently, the large old men left the room, and I was left with the real crew, which was composed of, to my relief, ex-hippies, crazy middle-aged women, and one 15 year old girl named Jenny. Soon, we were water taxied out to the Gazela, and the fun began. Working the ship environment has to be one of the most interesting, exciting, and thrilling things I've ever done. We didn't even start motoring until the next day, we didn't even use our sails, despite our three masts, but every second out on the middle of the bay, the sense of the water controlling and owning you redefined my life to the point where land seemed foreign.
But don't think it was all fun and games, for as soon as night fell, it became an entirely different experience. We spent most of the day going over and through the various emergency procedures. (Man over board, Fire, and Abandon Ship.) We managed to complete each one successfully, although our milk carton, serving as a man, drunk a lot of water in the rescue process. But as dinner led to jumping off the galley into the water below, daytime soon led to night. (Galley to water was a 17 foot drop, by the way.)
As darkness fell over the water and Rebecca, Jenny, a few ex-hippies and myself swam now in the glow of stadium lights, off the distant shore. And inside the boat, nothing was natural after lights out. Creeping around in the bottom of the boat, my guides were the soft glows of red lights.
I slept in the bottom of a triple bunk, closed in entirely by walls on three sides and a blue curtain, with about two feet of vertical room. Or at least, tried to sleep. I actually managed to get very little sleep. Amongst the smoldering heat and cramped confinement, I wasted the hours between 12:00, when I went to bed, and 2:15 when I finally went to sleep...
I was shaken awake ten minutes later to prepare for my shift.
When night blends into morning it seems that there is no transition in day, and simply a change of scene. From 2:30 to 4:00, I wasn't entirely alone. I was accompanied by the moon, the stars, and an older man who fell asleep on duty several times.
At 4:00 I woke everyone else up and we pulled anchor and set out for the Delaware.
***
Later this year, at camp, I accompanied the Sr. campers on a windy two day mountain trip. On the end of the second day, the leaders of the pack, myself included, were waiting up ahead in a clearing for the slower campers. From our rocky view of the mountain range, we watched as the clear sky began to attract clouds, which congealed and curdled before our eyes, darkening and approaching faster every second. A roaring sound began softly in the distance, slowly growing louder.
A camper announced he needed to go to the bathroom and walked out to the nearby woods. Moments later, we heard a scream and the rain was upon us. That was the fastest I've ever been drenched, apart from jumping into a large body of water. It literally soaked me through and through in less than two seconds. And I was in the same position on the boat, wet to the bone and at the helm of the Gazela Primeiro.
We pulled into the dock several hours later, the crew all hardened sailors. It was sad to leave the old barkentine with my newly developed sea-legs, but I now anticipate the time in which I can sail her once more.

I guess you could go see Serenity.

It was a decent film, but coming from the perspective of someone who was unfamiliar with firefly, the appeal was in the surprising copious amount of comedy. You could go see it, as I enjoyed it, or you could not, as one of my companions slept through it.